IMD 2014 Geo

Welcome to this series of articles connected to International Men’s Day (November 19) where men reflect on what it means to be male.  Here we see geo being interviewed.

My son is one of my biggest role models as I’ve tried to raise him to just be himself. He inspires me with his lovely nature and great spirit.

Name: geo
Place of residence: Manchester, UK
Age: 45

Are you glad to be a man? Why (not)?

I simply accepting of my state of being and happy to be a human…

Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?

Maybe because we live in a Patriarchal society. And the ‘extremes’ seem a bit obvious.

All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide (data). Why is this? What do you think can be done to address this?

Men seem less likely to be in tune with their emotions. And more likely to do something extreme rather than try to resolve the issues they face by responding to a situation rather than reacting.

When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer? Why don’t men tend to look after their health?

I check my prostrate myself every six months just to make sure there aren’t any anomalies etc…

Men seem less attuned to their bodies, biorhythms and nature.

What male role models do you have?

Myself, first and foremost. I try to be the best that I can.

My son is one of my biggest role models as I’ve tried to raise him to just be himself. He inspires me with his lovely nature and great spirit.

Kenny Dalglish as a footballer but more importantly as a man who helped carry the club during it’s darkest hours.

Muhamed Ali as a pugilist he had a strong heart and as an ambassador for humanity he’s shown his heart is huge!!!

Any ‘gentle men’ that I meet in my life inspire me to show that side of my nature.

How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?

Honest, open and truthful communication.

What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?

Take care of your side of the street. Be your own hero!

If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting prostrate and testicular cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link. Males are invited to be be interview partners by going looking at the questions here and answering them as a comment underneath.  The answers will later be published as an article.

Respect your balls

So sung Mel and Kim in 1987.  Alright, so they actually sung “respectable“, but I remember, somehow, bearing in mind that this was 27 years ago, someone in school singing “respect your balls” to their song.  And what good advise that is, and a good title for this article.  Well it was either that or “bollocks”.  I’m not quite so good at producing lyrics, so my only stab at a change of the lyrics gives me: Tey, tey, tey, tey, t-t-t-t-t-tey, tey, testicles….

Respect your balls.  Let’s be serious for a moment.  According to this data from 2010, testicular cancer rates have doubled in many western countries since the 1960s.  While accounting for only 1% of cancers that men get, at the same time it is the most common cancer among men aged 15-40.  Thankfully, mortality rates are pretty low worldwide, though here it should be stated strongly that this is down to early detection.  In other words, if you check your balls, or get a doctor to do it, you lessen the chances of dying of it.

As one can see in these graphs, detection rates are rising across the sampled countries, including Poland.  Poland at the same time has the sixth biggest rate of testicular cancer in the world (4.9 out of 1,000 men).     Poland is however an exception (as well as Columbia) where mortality rates have increased.  Central and Eastern Europe have the second highest morality rate (0.6%).  Note the relatively high ratio of detection to mortality in Poland.

The report doesn’t go into why this is the case, but I will take a wild guess and say that one reason is the lack of early detection.  That makes sense, surely.  We need a culture of checking our balls.

That’s the thing though.  I remember years ago on some bog-standard British sit-com how a character got testicular cancer, and his estranged wife made jokes about this.  Balls are seen as funny things.  Men who get hit in the balls during football don’t get much sympathy from men or women, only laughter.  I once took part in a self-defense class where the (male) trainer was talking about protection and some girls started saying to various men “I’m going to get you right in the balls”, with the men saying nothing.  It’s like they’re our achilles heel, or achilles balls, to be more precise.  Something to be ashamed of.

Certainly, fertility cults imagery focus either on breasts, vaginas or phallic symbols.  Balls are largely missing.

I say no!  Let’s respect our balls.  Without balls there would be no humanity.  They are massively, exuberantly productive, producing 1,500 sperm a second.  They release testosterone, which not only gives us “male” aspects (Adam’s apple, body hair, among others) but also maintains muscle strength and bone density.  They’re ace.  Stand up for them!  “A load of bollocks” should be a compliment.

I’ve actually only got my balls checked once.  I went to the doctor’s with a pain in my groin (which turned out to be a muscle sprain) and he offered to check them.  I thought, “why not?” and he did.  Thankfully he was quite relaxed and this got me relaxed, him talking all the way through the examination.  I recommend you getting checked.  If you’re heterosexual, perhaps, if you’re worried about that, like, go to a male doctor.  You know what I mean.

If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting testicular and prostrate cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link.

IMD 2014 David

Welcome to this series of articles connected to International Men’s Day (November 19) where men reflect on what it means to be male.  Here we see David being interviewed.

One of my ‘heroes’ (not really role models) is Thomas Merton: extrovert man of the world turned contemplative monk and poet. Currently I’m admiring Grayson Perry, for his perception and confidence in who he is.

Name:  David Place of residence: Liverpool, UK Age: 73

Are you glad to be a man? Why (not)?

Took me a long time to realise this, but on the whole yes. Never thought of myself as Alpha Male (far from it) but I think I am just glad to be who I am. Male-female-gay-straight whatever.

Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?

Refer you to Grayson Perry’s idea of ‘default man’. If we don’t/can’t conform to the ‘successful white heterosexual male’ stereotype we need a lot of self confidence. And ‘default man’ can pretend he has this without internalising it, or take refuge in external markers of success. The rest of us if we fail to live up to that image can easily fall into depression etc.

All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide (data). Why is this? What do you think can be done to address this?

See previous. Plus women are more confident talking about their feelings and can share with friends on a more intimate level. So to address this we need to deprogramme from default man mode.

When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer? Why don’t men tend to look after their health?

About 5 years ago. All the above I suppose: we are supposed to be strong and self-reliant. But I don’t think I have an inbuilt meter to check ‘worry levels’: i.e.. mostly when I go to the doctors I’m told it is nothing serious; but does that mean I was right to go nevertheless or that I was wasting the doctor’s time?

What male role models do you have?

I can’t say I have really thought about it. One of my ‘heroes’ (not really role models) is Thomas Merton: extrovert man of the world turned contemplative monk and poet. Currently I’m admiring Grayson Perry, for his perception and confidence in who he is.

How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?

I think whenever people (whatever gender) get together there is an element of competition. But a bit less of male swagger would help.

What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?

Be confident in who you are whatever you are.

If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting prostrate and testicular cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link. Males are invited to be be interview partners by going looking at the questions here and answering them as a comment underneath.  The answers will later be published as an article.

IMD 2014 Mostafa Gamal

Welcome to this series of articles connected to International Men’s Day (November 19) where men reflect on what it means to be male.  Here we see Mostafa Gamal being interviewed.

“Dear world Men,
give care to women they are your mother , Sister , Wife or Daughter if not for you they will be for another man.
Mostafa Egypt”

Name: Mostafa Gamal
Place of residence: (Cairo , Egypt)
Age: 26

Are you glad to be a man? Why (not)?

I don’t know if it is positive or negative , I didn’t try to be a women to have their feeling and to compare, but from my travels around the world (basically in Europe and Egypt too) i see that men had always advantages more than women.

Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?

because they are more independent so they can have more risks(to be a manger , a homeless or prisoner are all risks in live) than women, women are more connected to family specially when they have children.

All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide (data). Why is this?

maybe because men are not able to accept injustice or not to be appreciated more than women. Men are not as flexible as women. Men have more economical responsibilities that can be a reason especially when they can;t do those responsibilities.

What do you think can be done to address this?
building a stronger family relationships can be a good solution (my point of view) and a good social justice system

When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer?
I did never check up for prostrate and testicular cancer

Why don’t men tend to look after their health?
It depends on the person and his family and how he was raised up and the health facilities around him.

What male role models do you have?
-Amr Khaled a young Islamic thinker
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amr_Khaled
-Mohamed El Baradie Egyptian politician and he was awarded the Noble peace prize
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohamed_ElBaradei

How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?

when they both understand that they need each other,they will integrate. they shouldn’t compete each other.

What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?
Dear world Men,
give care to women they are your mother , Sister , Wife or Daughter if not for you they will be for another man.
Mostafa Egypt

If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting prostrate and testicular cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link.

Males are invited to be be interview partners by going looking at the questions here and answering them as a comment underneath.  The answers will later be published as an article.

IMD 2014 Robin Didier

Welcome to this series of articles connected to International Men’s Day (November 19) where men reflect on what it means to be male.  Here we see Robin Didier being interviewed.

Embrace your weaknesses, love your strengths, stop pretending.

Name: Robin Didier

Place of residence: Berlin, Germany

Age: 29

Are you glad to be a man?  Why (not)?

Not particularly. There are some biological advantages in “not being a woman”, otherwise I think each gender has his own curses. Obviously it depends as well in which kind of country you are born, but in the west Europa, I can say that in general it’s fair enough.

Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?

I think the central point is our perception of what should be, or how should act what we call a man. We (the western society) tend to expect from a man to be more ambitious than a woman. We think that a man is more likely to want to take a risk than a woman. And we think that he’s more able to handle stress, a difficult position or more able to take quickly a hard decision.

We build the ego of the girls and the boys really differently. A man should count only on himself (“Boys don’t cry” / “You’re a big boy right now. Do it by yourself”) and on the other side, we tend to accept more “girly” things from a girl. (“Oh, she probably needs a little help” / “It’s ok, if you can’t do it, ask a boy to grab it for you”). We teach our girls to rely on the others much more than for the boys. (“Man up!”)

We have a huge background culture on what a “real” man should be. It’s still shameful for a man to ask for help. And I think this is why so many can’t sometimes handle those responsibilities. Being the back bone of a family in the eyes of all, can be a heavy duty. Many men have the illusion they can deal with their problems without anybody’s help, could they be financial issues, health or mental troubles.

That’s why they tend to shine more than the women by their highs or their fails.

All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide. Why is this? What do you think can be done to address this?

I think this is about bearing those responsibilities. Like I said, they’re less likely to ask for help.

Each person would get to know themselves better, in order to ask for assistance when it’s needed. We need to deconstruct those “clichés” about men and women. Be whoever you want to be; be in peace with yourself and respect the others like they’re your own blood.

When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer?  Why don’t men tend to look after their health?

 Never did … Why? Nobody ever propose me to do it.

Because we want to look strong and invincible to others. In general we don’t like weaknesses, especially for a man. And nobody likes complains. It’s somehow easier to shut up and carry on.

What male role models do you have?

I lost my dad when I was a kid. I never had that much of a role model.

I can say now that the companions of my mother have been more counter examples than a model to follow. When I was a teenager I’ve been struggling to find myself, or at least, somebody I’d like to be. I grew up picking on others what I liked. I understood having a model could be harmful. Everybody has good and bad sides. It’s better to follow your feelings.

How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?

My advice would be, we don’t have to expect from others to be the way we want because it’s making things easier for us. It doesn’t matter if we have a penis or a vagina, we are much more than this. We are not a gender. Besides being a man or a woman, we have to focus on the soul behind the flesh. I think it’s bad to think all the women (or all the men) have something in common. The only thing with have in common is what the society is expecting from us to be. If we stay focused on what the persons wish for their life, how those persons could be made happy, we are avoiding any idea of competition. “Men against women” makes no sense.

What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?

Embrace your weaknesses, love your strengths, stop pretending. Make the people around you glad to have you in their lives. Be someone you could like at first sight.

If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting prostrate and testicular cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link.

Males are invited to be be interview partners by going looking at the questions here and answering them as a comment underneath.  The answers will later be published as an article.

Movember in the heart of Europe

Movember is an initiative that supports work that combats prostrate and testicular cancer (two of the biggest killers of men) as well as, in Poland, male depression.  Men grow mustaches or beards (well, mustaches are the thing Movember officially wants, but here in Poland we do our own thing, right?) and get sponsored for doing so, the money going towards the work of Movember.

This is entitled “Movember in the heart of Europe” because, first of all, I live in Wrocław.  Wrocław is sometimes called the heart of Europe and tends to be thought of as being a place that connects western and eastern Europe.  Movember is part of International Men’s Day (November 19) and of course, Poland is part of the international world 🙂

This blog has been set up in order to enable men from Wrocław as well as across Europe to focus, for the occasion of International Men’s Day (IMD), on what it means to be male.  It’s also been set up to promote those who are part of Movembe Team Poland.  If you’re in the team, let me know, and I’ll link to your site.   In any case, here’s my page where you can give donations, which I’d really appreciate.

“Poland doesn’t have the tradition of IMD”, you may say.  At one stage it didn’t have the tradition of Bar Mleczny either.  Poland is continually gaining new traditions.

Articles will be published on this blog about various subjects: Male suicide, health, coming to terms with our privileges, the issue of boys growing up without fathers, and other issues.  The word “bollocks” will make an appearance at some stage.  This is serious stuff, but a bit of a sense of humor will be seen here.

The stuff that has been written so far by those I’ve interviewed* (interviews will be published across November) is reflected and cool stuff related to the issue of men-ness (to make up a new word).  I am glad to have started this project, and ask you males to take part by keeping in touch, by being interviewed, writing your own articles and sharing articles.

* Should you wish to be interviewed, click here and answer the questions as comment underneath.

Questions for interviewees

Name: (first and/or second.  You can also be anonymous)
Place of residence: (city, country)
Age:

Are you glad to be a man?  Why (not)?

Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?

All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide (data).  Why is this?  What do you think can be done to address this?

When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer?  Why don’t men tend to look after their health?

What male role models do you have?

How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?

What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?