Welcome to this series of articles connected to International Men’s Day (November 19) where men reflect on what it means to be male. Here we see Mick Olaf Ruddo being interviewed.
Relax. The only way not to end up stressed, depressed, dead, in prison etc etc. Relax and enjoy what you have, what is around you. I have little money but in my own head I’m the richest man in the universe!
Name: Mick Olaf Ruddo
Place of residence: Merseyside
Age: 44
Are you glad to be a man?
I could say no because I never had a choice, but I am happy to be a man just as I would be happy to be a woman were I born female. I’m happy to be a human, I’m happy to be alive. On a bit more light-hearted note, I can never get pregnant, nor have a period, nor do I have to shave my legs nor cover myself in makeup (although I could do the last two, were I that way inclined).
Men are at the extremes of success, on the one hand they are more likely to be directors, managers and politicians, on the other hand more likely to be homeless, have severe mental illnesses and be in prison. Why do men have such big extremes?
Perhaps it is a historic thing, going back maybe thousands of years, the hunter thing. In more recent times, I also wonder whether, as men are at the top, they stick together and keep it that way (the way the rich make sure they get richer). There is the obvious thing, of course. Men can’t have babies. Rightly or wrongly, perhaps there is an element of consistency expected/desired from employers? I don’t know, thinking aloud.
There are stereotypes which, although they are obviously much weaker even in my lifetime (from the 70’s to the present day), and if there was such a thing as a ‘boys’ club’, it is being dissolved. Maybe not quickly enough, but it’s only (I say ‘only’) about 100 years since the suffragette movement, isn’t it? I work for one of the biggest companies in the world, and the overall boss of the company is a woman.
Why more men might be politicians, are men better liars? More suited to lying? Or is it (more likely) the same as with other jobs, something which is breaking down gradually.
I think men (in general) see themselves as the hunter, and if they aren’t able to ‘provide’, this may be what leads to depression etc. Again, just thinking out loud, I have no evidence. More men being homeless – pride? Male pride? Too proud to ask for help? Is more demanded of men? I don’t know.
Generalising is always a bad thing – I know a lot of women who don’t seem very wise, and some very clever men, but I generally think women are wiser and more mature. Only tonight in the kitchen I was running around raising my leg and breaking wind whilst singing. Okay, maybe that’s just me. It got a few laughs, though.
Being in prison, again, I don’t know but a lot of men seem incapable of taking “orders” (for want of a better word) from women. I wonder whether that is a factor in domestic violence (although it is obviously much more involved than that).
I’m embarrassed by my own reactions sometimes. If a bloke drives past me like an idiot, I might call him an idiot, a moron, a prick. If it’s a woman, I often add on the word ‘woman’ to the word ‘stupid’. I never say ‘stupid man’. That seems sexist to me, although it is often in the heat of the moment. I always espouse respect for women, without women none of us would be here, the female figures in our lives are immense, strong, loving, wonderful people. But when I say “what are you doing, woman?” when I’m in the car and a female driver does something daft, is that true feelings coming out? Or just a lack of on-the-spot brain-processing power? Yet again, I don’t know for sure, although I will say I don’t think (I hope not, at least) it is sexism bubbling under.
So many of the worst criminals tend to be men. Paedophiles are almost always men, aren’t they? Again, I have no figures to hand. The six vermin in India who raped and murdered that poor 23yr old woman on her way home from the cinema. That makes me ashamed to be male, although I know I would never be involved in such a despicable act. All of these acts are abuses of power. I say that purely in the sense that men are, usually, physically stronger, one on one. But paedophiles with children, much more powerful. Six men with that one woman? Far more (physically) powerful. Utter cowards, abusing power.
I’m rambling a bit now, but maybe real strength comes in restraint and respect.
Or maybe restraint should never even come in to the equation, maybe it should never be needed, respect should be enough. Anyway, perhaps that has to do with why there are more men in prison, abuses of power and greater expectations (possibly/probably stemming from males in the first place as opposed to any perhaps imagined pressure from females).
I have to qualify this again and again by saying I don’t know, these aren’t questions I contemplate every day.
All over the world, men are more likely than women to commit suicide (data). Why is this? What do you think can be done to address this?
I think that is probably answered in the previous question. Men need to know, if they don’t already know, that it is not weak to ask for help. Perhaps some men need to have this message reinforced.
When did you have your last check-up for prostrate and testicular cancer? Why don’t men tend to look after their health?
Maybe 10 years ago. I think (once again with no basis in proof) that men are the ostriches of the human race, heads buried in the sand, fingers planted in the ears, singing “la la la la laaaaaa not listening” in the hope that anything unpleasant that shows up will keep riding straight back out of town again.
What male role models do you have?
Some cliched, but what the hell. As it stresses male role models, Mandela, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr are the obvious three. Nick Harper, Kenny Dalglish, my brother and father, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Ronnie O’Sullivan, me(!), Dermot Morgan, Adrian Edmondson, Valentino Rossi, Steven Gerrard, there are probably hundreds if I had the time to keep thinking. Oh, Nigel Blackwell, must not forget him! Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Justin Sullivan. And, sadly, once I would have said Roy Harper. Everything about Roy I used as a role model until his arrest in November 2013. I believe he is innocent, but pending any court case, if he is ever found guilty, it will be hard to mention his name in such company, yet there are so many things he believes in which are undeniably right.
How is it possible to address the problems that men and women face without competition between them?
Now that I don’t know. My wife earns more than me, that makes me happy, I don’t want to compete with her, in that aspect of our lives, nor for the affection of our daughters. Men and women very often make formidable teams. I’m not a competitive man, so I may not be the best person to answer this question.
What’s your message for men for this year’s International Men’s Day?
Relax. The only way not to end up stressed, depressed, dead, in prison etc etc. Relax and enjoy what you have, what is around you. I have little money but in my own head I’m the richest man in the universe!
If you wish to sponsor Janick who is taking part with Movember, an initiative to raise money towards combatting prostrate and testicular cancer as well as, in Poland, male depression, please go to this link. Males are invited to be be interview partners by going looking at the questions here and answering them as a comment underneath. The answers will later be published as an article.
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